DIVORCE WITHIN THE CHURCH

Daily Devotions for women’s 2020 Para el: 14 agosto

HE WILL LOOK today at one more aspect of divorce that I feel is crucial to the church, and it has to do with how congregations react to couples in their midst who get divorced. I am not going to talk about church manuals or ways and customs, but about human warmth (or lack thereof).

Two studies* carried out in the South Pacific Division and the North American Division of the Adventist Church yielded the fact that fifty percent of those surveyed left the church after their divorce. In the North American Division, seventeen percent stopped attending church before their divorce, when they were in the process of their separation, while those in the South Pacific Division left it instead during the three years after the divorce. The question is, why did they leave the church? Listen to some answers coming from the mouths of those affected and imagine the experience there is behind their words (a picture is worth more than a thousand words):

‘The church responded poorly. I received no help and no support. The pastor never even raised the issue with me. . .. No one knew what to say or how to handle the issue. I have been so distraught for so long, yet I’ve never talked to anyone. I’ve just bottled up my feelings.»

> first response I got was a letter forbidding me to form another relationship. . . . I was in no way free to remarry and remain a member of the church. If I hadn’t had incredible support from my family and friends, I would have left the church then and there.»

«I felt judged by the church—without a hearing! No one wanted to hear my story…. They had taken sides without knowing anything about our story… I felt like I hadn’t ‘tried hard enough.»‘

Since the reaction of the church has such a great impact on people who get divorced, perhaps we should learn to rise to the occasion so that at least we do not cause a second wound to the one who is already wounded. The call is for us to help bear one another’s burdens, and that does not include judging, condemning, or deciding to alienate the others.